A

Another website

Another Artist
Asking to be heard 

An artist, once  
An architect, now 

And now I get it  
Another abandon  
And I'm happier trying than not 

A chance to do something before I die
Again 
A thing that I can call my own 
A thing that has always compelled me 
And filled me with a massive fear of failure 
A fear eclipsed now, only by A fear of regret 

And if I die again 
All my answers will be questions 
 
 

Am I ? 

Am I the finish line that you can't see?
but the only place you want to be?

So you can calm the suffering
The pushing
And the strain ?

Am I the place where two roads meet and become three?
A Collision in all directions x and y

There are no signs on these roads
No limit
We  are just watching each other as we move in the same direction
Nobody knows where
Just forward

To the future
Never back

Am I the clock that ticks 
And talks?

Telling of time
And aging rocks?

Slow enough that you feel normal but fast enough for damage?

Am I the automatic anima?l
Chilled by change
A killer chameleon?  

Jesus. I gave so much time to get here
And I finally got here.
And now I kinda hate it

At the Center 

As an architect I've been trained to find the center of an object
Usually some kind of box
You just draw from corner to corner
And corner to corner again

The X in the middle marks the spot

But my metaphors fail me now

Because I am not made of boxes
I just live in them

A Song for Saturn 

Dear Saturn,

For a long time I was close to you I
Would ride around your belt
One of the first to spin round with you

You were so attractive
You pulled
So many others like me

It got so crowded
Others began to bash into me

And I began to feel myself pulling
Away
And spiraling out, I was
Afraid,
And I didn’t know how far I could go alone
Away from you But
As the rest of us crashed
Around sometimes we would stick together
Hang on
To each other

That's how I got bigger
And more sure of myself
And now things are almost steady
Again
And though I’d rather be your moon

And far

Away

I’m always yours

Air Gun 

All I wanted was to show him it was safe
All he wanted was to get out of the room
A single pump
Air Gun
A Christmas present from Dad. 
And I thought it was empty
And I promised it was empty
As I held it to his head 

and then he started crying.
and soon we all waited in the emergency room 
as the surgeon pulled the tiny ball out of his forehead
at the same time the giant ball dropped in New York
at Midnight

and Dad asked me what happened
and the Doctor asked me what happened
and the Police Officer asked me what happened
a jump into the dark, I said a shot into 
an empty room an accident... 

and my baby brother was too young to talk. 
and so my lie worked

...and now it's too late to apologize. 

But i'm sorry,
Matthew I'm always sorry.

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